With time being a scarce commodity, I find myself having to prioritize. After making a list, I find that I am at the bottom of that list. When I started to burn out regularly, I knew I was going about it wrong. I so needed time alone by myself, and time alone with my husband.
But the very thought of leaving Ivan with another person, besides Peter or myself, was simply terrifying. I knew that no one else would be able to care for him, like Peter and I do. Later I realize that, that was very selfish of me. As it was, I was struggling, I should reach out for some help. Not everyone has family near them, so all the more I should take advantage of it. So here are a few incidents...
Story #1 Ivan at my in-laws
My in-laws live in a flat on the eighth floor. To make me more paranoid, they don't have grills in the house. And at that time, Ivan had a quick tendency to dash to the window to peer out at the passing trains. He used to do it at our home (we lived on the thirteenth floor). Despite addressing my concerns a thousand times, they all just brushed it aside, saying that they have it under control. So Peter and I went out, leaving the two boys behind. We went down to the restaurant, where we had our first Christmas dinner date. We had a great lunch together. But honestly speaking, I was very distracted. I kept thinking of Ivan. Would they really keep an eye on him? Was everything alright with him?
So the lunch date was over and we headed home. We reached my in-laws place and sat down in the living room, to talk about the experience they had with him. Just as we were talking, Ivan dashed out of the bedroom and ran to the balcony to peep out at the passing train. Fortunately, Immanuel ran behind him and pulled him in. By that time Peter was already at the window, holding onto half of Ivan in the house, the front half of him dangling outside. I was frozen in my step. What would have happened if Peter wasn't there on time? I was so lost for words, for the first time in my life. My baby was almost dead!!!
After this traumatic incident, my in-laws simply answered, "So he is fast ya." Seriously... I mean seriously.
Story #2 Ivan at my mum's place
So here I am freaking out at this incident, and Peter tells me that I have to give it another try. So okay, my mum lives on the fourth floor and has grills in her home. So we won't have the similar incident happen again. Especially, since the train doesn't go pass my mum's place.
I gave my mum a long list of dos and don'ts. And then we were off for another lunch date. When I came back, Ivan was watching the television. When I left Ivan was watching the tele too. Mum mentioned that, that's the only thing Ivan knew how to do, was to sit in front of the tele. I was annoyed with her remark, but at least he was safe, right. Wrong!
We brought Ivan home, and rested awhile, Ivan was rather fussy and I coaxed him to take a nap. (which I regretted later) After his nap, he woke up still being fussy and cranky. Since Ivan could not express himself in words, I was trying to figure out what the problem was. The one thing I noticed, was that he kept touching his nose. My mama bear instincts told me something was wrong, and I looked up his nose. They was something up there, in his right nostril. Peter and I rushed him to the GP near our place. Since, Ivan was so fussy, the GP, suggested that we went to the hospital instead, as they would have the proper apparatus. And so we did. Of to the A& E to get the piece out of his nose.
What was it? A moth ball. Yes, a moth ball. When I informed my mum, what had happened, she mentioned that she had no idea. I was not happy that she left my four year old, unattended. her logic was, he is so blur, it's not like he was going anywhere. My heart just broke...
Story #3 Ivan at my friend's place
Peter went of to Iraq to fulfill his duties. This was the second time the Navy had sent him. So I thought that a night out alone would be great. I booked a suite at the same hotel, we got married in. It was a school night and I had made arrangement with a close friend, to babysit the boys. I had talked to the boys about our night out. Immanuel was trilled as he was going to get a sleep over with his close friends. Ivan, took well to my friend, so he was not anxious. All went well. After our breakfast at the hotel, we headed straight to get the boys. They seemed fine, I was so happy.
But my friend on the other hand, was not in good shape. She looked exhausted and pitiful. She took me by the hand, and said, "I don't know how you do it, but I now have a new found respect for you." I was so glad for her, but felt too bad to call her on babysitting duties again.
Story #4 Ivan at home with the maid
Now I am back to work again, so I got a domestic helper. Nowadays, Peter and I can have regular date nights. Immanuel watches over and understands his little brother, Ivan. Ivan is also now eleven. The stress levels have gone down a huge amount. Finally, a ray of hope.
Eventually, I realized that I needed to be less controlling and allow others to care for Ivan too. It helps them to understand my situation better. Also it helps Ivan to get used to others caring for him. Although, it may not work out immediately, don't give up.
The times I had for myself, I treated myself to a facial, manicure or got my hair coloured. All of these, allowed me to pamper myself and made me feel pretty and confident. The times I shared with my dear husband, helped rekindle the sparks between us. Sometimes, all you need is a different environment (away from home and the kids) to switch modes. Then you will find yourself rejuvenated and energized. Trust me, we all need a little pampering to re-energize, and we can't go without it.
If you are in a helpless situation, try to take a breather. Hold on, as it will get better in time. It will.
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