Denial...

When I experienced denial, it came sightly different from my hubby, Peter. I just felt so empty, I felt a big loss. I started to avoid meeting people. I just wanted to be alone. I experienced all kinds of emotions, I felt confused, ashamed, afraid, worried... I kept asking myself, if this was really happening.

Sometimes, there were so many emotions, that I was usually emotionally numb. Physically, I was exhausted all the time. Even if I sat still, my thoughts we raving and I was just exhausted. I needed lots of rest and sleep, but I didn't always get them. But I did end up crying everyday. I was an emotional wreck.

This autism had entered our lives, like a tornado and threw up all our dreams and hopes that we had for our boy. I was feeling a loss, while I myself was lost. Peter and I was going through so much, that we rather not talk about it. We tried dealing with it on our own, but we both needed to talk to someone. We needed to get it off our chests.