I have noticed that as of late I don't walk the same anymore. I would say I waddle about instead. That would be to ease the pain from my back.
I also notice that my center of gravity has shifted. Today, was was at church with my family and as usual I went to the ladies before service started. I tried to excuse myself for the second trip before service ended, but things didn't go as planned.
The preggy sitting next to me was so inconsiderate that she didn't allow me to pass through. Not wanting to step on her enlarged feet I tried to walk around her feet. Instead, I lost balance and down down down I went. It was embarrassing, and painful at the same time.
My hubby rushed to pick me up, but I kept telling him that I was ok. I was shocked that that annoying preggy just sat there not even an apology from her. Seriously people nowadays.
Thankfully, there was no bleeding and I guess all is fine with baby. I however, have a sore knee, back and fingers . Boo hoo... felt like Humpty Dumpty.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Why won't you eat?
Feeding little ones, can really be a challenge. Many years ago, I didn't have the luxury of the internet, or ample resources to choose from. But today, we are blessed with so much of information at our finger tips. I wish I could have done more for my boys, in terms of nutrition.
In my twenties, I was a busy full-time working mum, who was a part-time student, pursuing my Early Childhood Credentials. I relied a lot on advice given by the previous generation in terms of raising children. But today, as I prepare for my soon to come little baby, I would do so many things different. First and foremost, not introduce salt too early.
Yesterday, I was on my way to meeting a cousin of mine for lunch, as I was walking to the shopping mall, I noticed a trend. Along the first lift lobby, I passed, I saw a mum unwrapping a piece of cake from its plastic wrapper, and passing it to her little girl on the pram. Was that lunch?
Then as I was on my way, along the playground, I noticed another lady (not sure if it's the mum) doing the same with a curry puff. Was that lunch? Further down, at the traffic light, yet another encounter with a steamed pau. I do not wish to judge, but these mums did not seem like they were rushing off to work. Plus, it was the lunch hour. I cannot say if I would do the same with my child in future, but I wish to try to be mindful of my child's nutritional needs now that I have another chance to do it all over again.
Nutrition is a very important part of a child's growth. In the past, in my household, the kids ate a softer, puréed version of what the adults ate. That's what my mum advised me to do. Some things will have to change in time. The ingredients don't carry the same nutritional value they used to any more. So we have to roll with the times too.
I recall when Ivan was a little boy, he ate a very limited range of food. They all seemed to have one common theme. They all had to be of extreme taste. Either they were very sweet or very spicy. He loved pastries and spicy curry. My mum used to say, that it was part of his DNA to like spicy foods, since we were Indian. There were many subtle signs, which I did not see, back then. I figured he was simply a fussy eater. Never thought too much into it. I
Ivan would refuse anything that was new. He would smell his food first. If it was not a comforting, pleasing, familiar scent, he would refuse it until the end. He was fussy about texture too, he didn't like anything too mushy. As we became aware of the existing autism within him, many thoughts surfaced.
Ivan, was not using speech as a means to communicate, until he was five. Before that, it was just hand gestures and mood swings. Back then I didn't know much about autism, but I wish to share with you today, some things that may help you and your child.
What do you know about food allergies?
I am sure you have a rough idea, foods such as cow's milk, wheat products, eggs, soy products and nuts, are some of them. Some children have these food allergies. Although, these food products may cause a food allergy in your child, its all still manageable, in general. However, should your child be non verbal or have autism, Asperger's, PDD, ADHD, and ADD. Then, the amount of severity that it affects your child is so much more.
Bare with your child if he is trying to tell you something, maybe it could be acid reflux, a headache or even aches and pains. Sometimes, you may see the child exhibit behaviours such as head banging (which is extreme) to food refusal (which is subtle). Which ever it is, pause and ponder, what might you child be trying to tell you.
Currently, I am reading up on food and autism, I will share more as I receive more information.
In my twenties, I was a busy full-time working mum, who was a part-time student, pursuing my Early Childhood Credentials. I relied a lot on advice given by the previous generation in terms of raising children. But today, as I prepare for my soon to come little baby, I would do so many things different. First and foremost, not introduce salt too early.
Yesterday, I was on my way to meeting a cousin of mine for lunch, as I was walking to the shopping mall, I noticed a trend. Along the first lift lobby, I passed, I saw a mum unwrapping a piece of cake from its plastic wrapper, and passing it to her little girl on the pram. Was that lunch?
Then as I was on my way, along the playground, I noticed another lady (not sure if it's the mum) doing the same with a curry puff. Was that lunch? Further down, at the traffic light, yet another encounter with a steamed pau. I do not wish to judge, but these mums did not seem like they were rushing off to work. Plus, it was the lunch hour. I cannot say if I would do the same with my child in future, but I wish to try to be mindful of my child's nutritional needs now that I have another chance to do it all over again.
Nutrition is a very important part of a child's growth. In the past, in my household, the kids ate a softer, puréed version of what the adults ate. That's what my mum advised me to do. Some things will have to change in time. The ingredients don't carry the same nutritional value they used to any more. So we have to roll with the times too.
I recall when Ivan was a little boy, he ate a very limited range of food. They all seemed to have one common theme. They all had to be of extreme taste. Either they were very sweet or very spicy. He loved pastries and spicy curry. My mum used to say, that it was part of his DNA to like spicy foods, since we were Indian. There were many subtle signs, which I did not see, back then. I figured he was simply a fussy eater. Never thought too much into it. I
Ivan would refuse anything that was new. He would smell his food first. If it was not a comforting, pleasing, familiar scent, he would refuse it until the end. He was fussy about texture too, he didn't like anything too mushy. As we became aware of the existing autism within him, many thoughts surfaced.
Ivan, was not using speech as a means to communicate, until he was five. Before that, it was just hand gestures and mood swings. Back then I didn't know much about autism, but I wish to share with you today, some things that may help you and your child.
What do you know about food allergies?
I am sure you have a rough idea, foods such as cow's milk, wheat products, eggs, soy products and nuts, are some of them. Some children have these food allergies. Although, these food products may cause a food allergy in your child, its all still manageable, in general. However, should your child be non verbal or have autism, Asperger's, PDD, ADHD, and ADD. Then, the amount of severity that it affects your child is so much more.
Bare with your child if he is trying to tell you something, maybe it could be acid reflux, a headache or even aches and pains. Sometimes, you may see the child exhibit behaviours such as head banging (which is extreme) to food refusal (which is subtle). Which ever it is, pause and ponder, what might you child be trying to tell you.
Currently, I am reading up on food and autism, I will share more as I receive more information.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Children with Special Needs, Need Inclusion Too
Upon a visit to our paediatrician, he encouraged me by highlighting, that I did a good job with Ivan. He was meeting Ivan for the first time and could not tell that he had autism, until after the first ten minutes. Ten minutes, is good enough for one to establish a good, acceptable first impression. First impressions, are precious and fragile. It tells someone, whether or not they want to socialize with you.
Often children with autism, seem to misbehave, when in actual fact they are trying hard, to respond to their surroundings, whilst dealing with their impairment of social skills. This will definitely affect the child's physiology and mannerisms. Ivan has his quirks too, however, the trick is to gradually replace the obvious behaviours of hand flapping, to maybe a simple hair twirling or a humming a tune. People find it more comforting when they are exposed with as little physical movements, and find some quirks acceptable. So if you can to replace your child's major coping mechanisms with more society acceptable ones, you will find that it will take your child a long way.
Over the past couple of years, you can find more ramps being built in Singapore. Lots more lifts and traffic lights, catering to the visually impaired. All these show that the government is stepping up to help the community of wheelchair bound and people who are visually impaired. All these adjustment in the environment are made to help them function better, by minimizing their inability to move around.
Thinking in line with this, shouldn't one make similar efforts to enhance the environment of a child with special needs? Unlike the individuals on the wheelchairs or the visually impaired, adjusting the surrounding of a child with autism, isn't so clear and precise. Since autism is unique to each and every individual, the changes to inclusion would be unique too. I wonder if there are things that can help them mingle better with society. It's only respect that they wish, and as humans we all deserve that.
I hope that the next time you come across, someone who is different, you would be patient and respect them as individuals too, regardless of whatever condition they may be having. That's why we are called the human race, we have compassion, empathy and tolerance for others. If we can care so much for animals and our planet, should we not care for our fellow mankind too. Please ponder?
Often children with autism, seem to misbehave, when in actual fact they are trying hard, to respond to their surroundings, whilst dealing with their impairment of social skills. This will definitely affect the child's physiology and mannerisms. Ivan has his quirks too, however, the trick is to gradually replace the obvious behaviours of hand flapping, to maybe a simple hair twirling or a humming a tune. People find it more comforting when they are exposed with as little physical movements, and find some quirks acceptable. So if you can to replace your child's major coping mechanisms with more society acceptable ones, you will find that it will take your child a long way.
Over the past couple of years, you can find more ramps being built in Singapore. Lots more lifts and traffic lights, catering to the visually impaired. All these show that the government is stepping up to help the community of wheelchair bound and people who are visually impaired. All these adjustment in the environment are made to help them function better, by minimizing their inability to move around.
Thinking in line with this, shouldn't one make similar efforts to enhance the environment of a child with special needs? Unlike the individuals on the wheelchairs or the visually impaired, adjusting the surrounding of a child with autism, isn't so clear and precise. Since autism is unique to each and every individual, the changes to inclusion would be unique too. I wonder if there are things that can help them mingle better with society. It's only respect that they wish, and as humans we all deserve that.
I hope that the next time you come across, someone who is different, you would be patient and respect them as individuals too, regardless of whatever condition they may be having. That's why we are called the human race, we have compassion, empathy and tolerance for others. If we can care so much for animals and our planet, should we not care for our fellow mankind too. Please ponder?
Friday, July 20, 2012
Getting involved
It's time to plan the nursery for my precious new born. It's only
right to get the older siblings to feel involved in the process. It's
very easy to talk to my eldest son about it, but what about a child with
special needs? How would you get him involved? Ivan doesn't seem to be
very keen about the arrival of the new born anytime soon. It's going to
take a lot of TLC to guide Ivan down this path.
I have noticed that as of late, he doesn't seem to take will even with my sister's son. He never seemed to mind the boy earlier, but ever since I got pregnant, I have noticed Ivan's displeasure to the little boy. Could it be that he sense the arrival of another baby soon? I haven't the slightest clue, but I am very aware of the middle child syndrome and am very careful when it comes to handling Ivan in this situation.
I have been introducing the idea of another baby, as I get him to include the baby into his daily prayers. Then, I try to get him to help me pick out both boy and girl names for the new comer. I talk to him about my doctor's appointmnets and that the baby is doing well, in my tummy.
Last night, I had borrowed a couple of books on decorating a baby's nursery. My eldest son and I had some discussions about the room. This morning, I had my personal time with Ivan, and we talked about the new baby that is coming soon, and how we would like the nursery to be. So I passed Ivan the books and asked him to take a look at them. He was to show me pictures of rooms that he liked.
I have noticed that as of late, he doesn't seem to take will even with my sister's son. He never seemed to mind the boy earlier, but ever since I got pregnant, I have noticed Ivan's displeasure to the little boy. Could it be that he sense the arrival of another baby soon? I haven't the slightest clue, but I am very aware of the middle child syndrome and am very careful when it comes to handling Ivan in this situation.
I have been introducing the idea of another baby, as I get him to include the baby into his daily prayers. Then, I try to get him to help me pick out both boy and girl names for the new comer. I talk to him about my doctor's appointmnets and that the baby is doing well, in my tummy.
Last night, I had borrowed a couple of books on decorating a baby's nursery. My eldest son and I had some discussions about the room. This morning, I had my personal time with Ivan, and we talked about the new baby that is coming soon, and how we would like the nursery to be. So I passed Ivan the books and asked him to take a look at them. He was to show me pictures of rooms that he liked.
Here's Ivan looking at Nursery Planning books.
look at me
It was time to have my scan again. It's sad that my hubby's return got delayed, and that he would miss this moment. I know how badly he wanted to be present for this. By now I was getting used to going for these trips alone, not having him there to hold my hand. I was a little nervous, as I waited at the admissions. Normally, in times like this you would have someone there with you. But I knew that the Lord was watching over us and that I wasn't alone.
All kinds of thoughts raced through my mind. People had already helped me with sentences that caused lots of doubts about the well being of my baby. I wanted to quickly get a clear bill of health for our little one, and confirm that I was having a little princess.
I was called in and I remained calm and I lay with my belly exposed, watching the doctor key in my particulars. Then I looked up at the monitor, and there my baby was. It's was a little scary, looking at all those bones. The baby, was arched facing down, making the spine so clear. It was like a dinosaur's. Hee...Hee... scans are so advanced nowadays. It is a blessing. I recall going for the scans to check my older boys, they were not this fancy and hi-tech. Peter was there with me and we celebrated with smiles as the doctor told us the sex of the baby we were having. This time I was alone but knew his prayers were with me and baby.
The kind doctor, labled each part for me, as she measured and snapped shots of them. It was a long and cold process. Not so fun, exposing your tummy in a small air-con room for so long. She went down to the baby's kidneys and thighs. It was awesome that I could even see the blood flow into the kidneys as they functioned. Then she asked me the magic question, "Would you like to know the sex of your baby?"
Of course, I would, I had been waiting patiently for the past 30 minutes for you to get here. I didn't want to be too anxious, so I waited patiently for the doctor to tell me. There could also be a chance that it was not so clear, in that case I didn't was to know, since Peter was not here and all. It would then be a pleasant surprise to both of us at birth. But it was clear, and now it was the moment I had been waiting for to confirm that we were having a baby girl, and to head on over to the store to buy this adorable toy I had seen for her, and lots more stuff.
And the doctor, continued....
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Aches and pains
A couple of days ago I had a migrane, I don't normally get these. My normal remedy would be to pop two asprins and take a warm shower followed by a power nap. Now, with the pregnancy, I could not pop the aspirin so easily. I was home alone with Ivan, and wanted him to be nearby as I rested. So I invited Ivan to sit by my bed and use his Ipad, so I could also keep an eye on him.
As I waited to doze it, I came to thinking, Ivan is now in his transition from twelve to thritheen, and I have never heard him complain of a headache or anything like that. That's pretty strange right, as humans, we all experience these discomforts. But how would he express his aches? How was he going to tell those around him that he was having a throbbing headache and wants to be left alone? That would be pretty challenging. How frustrated it must be for children like him?
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
My new experience...
As of late, I have been dealing with a surge of emotions. I found out a couple of months ago, that my hubby and I were expecting another baby. It truly came as a shocker to both of us. He just turned forty-one and I would be thirty-seven soon. This was definately, not in the list of our retirement plans.
Honestly, last year (2011) Peter and I actually planned to have another baby, but after trying for six months, we gave up, and then decided to focus on our early retirement instead. Then came 2012 with the symptoms of pregnancy. We had just returned from a holiday and were in high spirits. I was sure I could not be pregnant but took the test anyway.
As I waited for the results, I recalled all those times, I tested last year and was disappointed that the test was negative. Well, it was time and I flipped over the stick.... and it was positive this time. I felt myself stiff for a moment. Was it right? Could I really be pregnant? I was just not ready for this... not now....
Peter was leaving for work, overseas the next day... how was he going to take the new? (he tends to take a long time to process information like this)
There was an unnatural silence in our household. Then after telling Peter the results, we spoke to our boys about the idea of another sibling. Comfortingly, they were thrilled about the news. We were still in shock. After the boys went off to bed, we sat in the TV room and stared blankly at the TV which was on. I knew that in Peter's mind, he was processing the information. I just needed to tell someone. To get the information off my chest, but who? I knew that the response I got, would really mean a lot and I knew that I could not call anyone in the family. So I called my BFF, knowing that she was one person that would genueinly be happy for me. I told her and she was congratulating me, I was glad to have spoken to her, but was still worried and in shock.
The next question was, are we keeping this baby. I know it sounds cruel, but after you have a child with special needs you understand that you are not being a hero by knowingly choosing to bring up such a child. No body wins neither you nor the child. But at this stage, things were too early to tell. I considered my age and the huge age gap between the first two boys, then the statistics of women above thirty-five having children and the complications.
But for some reason, the Good Lord thought that another baby would do us good. To tell you honestly, it weighed very heavy on my heart. Ideally, I always wanted a big family. But after the invasion of autism into our lives, things were not so simple anymore. I was afraid, there were too many what if's....
Peter had left for his overseas assignment and I had made an appointment with a gynae from Thomson Medical. To my surprise, he rattled my nerves even more. After a long wait, he told me that the machine could not pick out the image of a fetus. And that would mean:
The week of waiting seemed so long. Finally, it was Thursday and I was at the gynae's. The gynae told me that it was too early into the pregnancy to see the fetus, but he could see a sac and that was good enough for him to confirm the pregnancy. A sigh of relief swept past. I called Peter and told him the good news. We had decided to take this pregnancy a day at a time.
I knew no one would understand our situtation but us, and I was right. Support was as usual, not an asset we had. We didnt expect family members to jump for joy, but at least to share the joy with us. Unfortunately, we were left with lots of raised eyebrows (hmm...), head shaking (you really want to do this, after your son's problem) and even some people who were surprised that we could conceive as that meant having sex (you mean you are still having sex at this age). Seriously, they were all so supportive!!!!
When I received all these reviews from our family, I was shaken. No was was there for us when we struggled through Ivan's initial journey into autism and I am pretty sure no one bothered to understand anyway. So whatever the future holds, I knew we were going to face it together, just the four of us. So, I took a deep breathe and told myself, and with the grace of God I could do this.
Even today, I have negative tongues wagging at us, for having a baby now. If the baby was to be a boy, I am sure that they would start with the pity party telling me, that I may face another chance of dealing with autism again. Come what may, I rest my worries onto the arms of my God.
Honestly, last year (2011) Peter and I actually planned to have another baby, but after trying for six months, we gave up, and then decided to focus on our early retirement instead. Then came 2012 with the symptoms of pregnancy. We had just returned from a holiday and were in high spirits. I was sure I could not be pregnant but took the test anyway.
As I waited for the results, I recalled all those times, I tested last year and was disappointed that the test was negative. Well, it was time and I flipped over the stick.... and it was positive this time. I felt myself stiff for a moment. Was it right? Could I really be pregnant? I was just not ready for this... not now....
Peter was leaving for work, overseas the next day... how was he going to take the new? (he tends to take a long time to process information like this)
There was an unnatural silence in our household. Then after telling Peter the results, we spoke to our boys about the idea of another sibling. Comfortingly, they were thrilled about the news. We were still in shock. After the boys went off to bed, we sat in the TV room and stared blankly at the TV which was on. I knew that in Peter's mind, he was processing the information. I just needed to tell someone. To get the information off my chest, but who? I knew that the response I got, would really mean a lot and I knew that I could not call anyone in the family. So I called my BFF, knowing that she was one person that would genueinly be happy for me. I told her and she was congratulating me, I was glad to have spoken to her, but was still worried and in shock.
The next question was, are we keeping this baby. I know it sounds cruel, but after you have a child with special needs you understand that you are not being a hero by knowingly choosing to bring up such a child. No body wins neither you nor the child. But at this stage, things were too early to tell. I considered my age and the huge age gap between the first two boys, then the statistics of women above thirty-five having children and the complications.
But for some reason, the Good Lord thought that another baby would do us good. To tell you honestly, it weighed very heavy on my heart. Ideally, I always wanted a big family. But after the invasion of autism into our lives, things were not so simple anymore. I was afraid, there were too many what if's....
Peter had left for his overseas assignment and I had made an appointment with a gynae from Thomson Medical. To my surprise, he rattled my nerves even more. After a long wait, he told me that the machine could not pick out the image of a fetus. And that would mean:
- you could have a fallopian pregnancy
- you could be too early to tell
- or you could just have a complicated preganancy
The week of waiting seemed so long. Finally, it was Thursday and I was at the gynae's. The gynae told me that it was too early into the pregnancy to see the fetus, but he could see a sac and that was good enough for him to confirm the pregnancy. A sigh of relief swept past. I called Peter and told him the good news. We had decided to take this pregnancy a day at a time.
I knew no one would understand our situtation but us, and I was right. Support was as usual, not an asset we had. We didnt expect family members to jump for joy, but at least to share the joy with us. Unfortunately, we were left with lots of raised eyebrows (hmm...), head shaking (you really want to do this, after your son's problem) and even some people who were surprised that we could conceive as that meant having sex (you mean you are still having sex at this age). Seriously, they were all so supportive!!!!
When I received all these reviews from our family, I was shaken. No was was there for us when we struggled through Ivan's initial journey into autism and I am pretty sure no one bothered to understand anyway. So whatever the future holds, I knew we were going to face it together, just the four of us. So, I took a deep breathe and told myself, and with the grace of God I could do this.
Even today, I have negative tongues wagging at us, for having a baby now. If the baby was to be a boy, I am sure that they would start with the pity party telling me, that I may face another chance of dealing with autism again. Come what may, I rest my worries onto the arms of my God.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
as I contiue from where I left off...
It's been a long time since I wrote here, I was busy with a lot of things. I found myself in new situations, making new decisions, taking new paths. But life took me on a ride and landed me at the crossroads, where I find myself now.
Due to many unexpected events, I am now home with my boys and find I have lots of time on my hands. So I decided in order to hold onto my sanity, I needed to do something productive. Something, close to my heart and something that I feel dearly precious. So, I have decided to go back into updating this blog. With new insights, new aspirations, and new experiences to share. Do join me as I continue on this journey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)