Where I am today...

I sit at the dining table having my breakfast. As I enjoy my sausage and eggs. I think back to the times, when it was so trying having Jr Autism dine with us.

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Actually all meals were the same. Ivan's food had to be cut up into bite size portions. I had to remove the stuff that he would not eat. I had to make sure that all was up to his liking. Then and only then, could I get to my plate. And by then, my food was cold and I was annoyed and hungry no more.

I recall one day, that I snapped during lunch. We went out to dine, and I placed the orders for Ivan and I. Dad and Immanuel chose their own. When the food came, I did what I always did. Since Immanuel ordered chicken, I had to help him cut it up too.

As I was settling all this, I snapped at my hubby who was enjoying his meal. I was so annoyed, why did I have to always do it. He could do it too, giving me a chance to enjoy my dinner too.

He responded to me with a very cool responds, "If you do this all the time, when are they going to learn to do it themselves." I was so angry.... but he had a point. I wanted all to go well, that I ended up fixing everything. I needed to step back for the boys to grow, and explore.

It was a small wake up call for me. I realize that my need to fix things, was making me miserable and resent my hubby for not helping me.

The next day at home. I gave Ivan an omelet to start with, as he loves eggs. I gave him a fork and a knife, and watched. He struggled, mumbled and asked for me to help him. I demonstrated to him, how to cut the omelet. And stood there beside him. After a few tries, he mastered it. When I beheld that sight, I could hear "Hallelujah" in my head. I was so please, that I could tick off something else on the list, he could feed himself independently. -yay