How it all began?

The year was 2002. I am sitting at the therapist office at KKH, CDC. The therapist, introduced me to Autism, one that was going to join us for the rest of our lives. But I didn't really comprehend this, at that time.

I recall, having so many thoughts racing through my mind at that time. I took the sheets of paper given to me, got up from my chair and held my baby's hand. We walked out of the room, with the same expression... blank. I headed to the payment counter and then to the taxi stand. Came home without saying a word. What was this "autism" that followed me back home? I had never heard of this before.

I guess the word used in the 90s to describe children that were challenged was called "retarded". Did my boy have this? It sounded really bad... I was confused, worried, upset... so many emotions, that I could not name all of them.

I didn't have much to say, I didn't call anyone. I headed straight to the laptop. I Googled "autism", and started reading. Vaguely, I understood, what I read. I knew for sure that something was seriously wrong with my baby. I shared the information with my hubby when he came home. It wasn't shocking, he just went silent. He always does that when he was troubled. It went on for days. I was waiting for him, to comfort me. I don't really know what was going through his mind though. A week went by and the silence persisted. Eventually, I confronted him. I was lost. He was lost. Ivan was lost in all this.

We knew that we had so much to deal with individually, that we simply could not discuss the matter just then. We discussed the matters that were cruicial for decision making at that time. We then left to our own corners to lick our wounds. It was to complicated to express in simple words.