Why won't you eat?

Feeding little ones, can really be a challenge. Many years ago, I didn't have the luxury of the internet, or ample resources to choose from. But today, we are blessed with so much of information at our finger tips. I wish I could have done more for my boys, in terms of nutrition.

In my twenties, I was a busy full-time working mum, who was a part-time student, pursuing my Early Childhood Credentials. I relied a lot on advice given by the previous generation in terms of raising children. But today, as I prepare for my soon to come little baby, I would do so many things different. First and foremost, not introduce salt too early.

Yesterday, I was on my way to meeting a cousin of mine for lunch, as I was walking to the shopping mall, I noticed a trend. Along the first lift lobby, I passed, I saw a mum unwrapping a piece of cake from its plastic wrapper, and passing it to her little girl on the pram. Was that lunch?

Then as I was on my way, along the playground, I noticed another lady (not sure if it's the mum) doing the same with a curry puff. Was that lunch? Further down, at the traffic light, yet another encounter with a steamed pau. I do not wish to judge, but these mums did not seem like they were rushing off to work. Plus, it was the lunch hour. I cannot say if I would do the same with my child in future, but I wish to try to be mindful of my child's nutritional needs now that I have another chance to do it all over again.

Nutrition is a very important part of a child's growth. In the past, in my household, the kids ate a softer, puréed version of what the adults ate. That's what my mum advised me to do. Some things will have to change in time. The ingredients don't carry the same nutritional value they used to any more. So we have to roll with the times too.

I recall when Ivan was a little boy, he ate a very limited range of food. They all seemed to have one common theme. They all had to be of extreme taste. Either they were very sweet or very spicy. He loved pastries and spicy curry. My mum used to say, that it was part of his DNA to like spicy foods, since we were Indian. There were many subtle signs, which I did not see, back then. I figured he was simply a fussy eater. Never thought too much into it. I

Ivan would refuse anything that was new. He would smell his food first. If it was not a comforting, pleasing, familiar scent, he would refuse it until the end. He was fussy about texture too, he didn't like anything too mushy. As we became aware of the existing autism within him, many thoughts surfaced.

Ivan, was not using speech as a means to communicate, until he was five. Before that, it was just hand gestures and mood swings. Back then I didn't know much about autism, but I wish to share with you today, some things that may help you and your child.

What do you know about food allergies?
I am sure you have a rough idea, foods such as cow's milk, wheat products, eggs, soy products and nuts, are some of them. Some children have these food allergies. Although, these food products may cause a food allergy in your child, its all still manageable, in general. However, should your child be non verbal or have autism, Asperger's, PDD, ADHD, and ADD. Then, the amount of severity that it affects your child is so much more.

Bare with your child if he is trying to tell you something, maybe it could be acid reflux, a headache or even aches and pains. Sometimes, you may see the child exhibit behaviours such as head banging (which is extreme) to food refusal (which is subtle). Which ever it is, pause and ponder, what might you child be trying to tell you.

Currently, I am reading up on food and autism, I will share more as I receive more information.

Tips for Date-Nite

So you have finally, gotten everything straightened out. You have a reliable sitter for your special child. You have a dinner reservation... but all you both talk about is therapy and the autism. Thus, feeling more worried and frustrated, date night just failed it's purpose.

 

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Here are some tips on making it a success.

Point #1
Prepare in advance the day, your date night should be on.
Do you both prefer a weeknight, or a weekend.

Point #2
Prepare in advance, the schedule of the day.
What are your children's schedule for the day?
Are they going to be very free and have a lot of energy when the sitter arrives?
Are they having lots of activities that day, that they will be exhausted by the time the sitter arrives?

Point #3
Prepare a lists of important information for the sitter.
Ensure to make a list of important telephone numbers.
Ensure you have instructions for the sitter should he/she need to get something from your home.

Point #4
Prepare rewards such as stickers/ sweets, and explain to the sitter how to use them.
Prepare the sitter with proper ways of dealing with your child's tantrums.
Help the sitter to foresee a problem before it happens, if possible.
Explain clearly, the duration of each activity and transition routines.


Point #5
Dress up, like you are meeting your husband for the first time. This helps you to anticipate a wonderful time together. Your heart will start beating faster. And the anticipation, will help you to forget the autism for a while.

Point #6
Make it a point that neither of you will talk about the kids or the special needs. Should you need, prepare in advance some conversation topics.

Point#7
Enjoy each others company and leave only after dessert. That way you would have truly had a good time and ended it with something sweet.

Point #8
Plan for the next date night once you come back, since you would be still in a good mood.
Try to stick to your plans for date night, once you start postponing it, you will tend to fall off the wagon again.

Where I am today...

I sit at the dining table having my breakfast. As I enjoy my sausage and eggs. I think back to the times, when it was so trying having Jr Autism dine with us.

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Actually all meals were the same. Ivan's food had to be cut up into bite size portions. I had to remove the stuff that he would not eat. I had to make sure that all was up to his liking. Then and only then, could I get to my plate. And by then, my food was cold and I was annoyed and hungry no more.

I recall one day, that I snapped during lunch. We went out to dine, and I placed the orders for Ivan and I. Dad and Immanuel chose their own. When the food came, I did what I always did. Since Immanuel ordered chicken, I had to help him cut it up too.

As I was settling all this, I snapped at my hubby who was enjoying his meal. I was so annoyed, why did I have to always do it. He could do it too, giving me a chance to enjoy my dinner too.

He responded to me with a very cool responds, "If you do this all the time, when are they going to learn to do it themselves." I was so angry.... but he had a point. I wanted all to go well, that I ended up fixing everything. I needed to step back for the boys to grow, and explore.

It was a small wake up call for me. I realize that my need to fix things, was making me miserable and resent my hubby for not helping me.

The next day at home. I gave Ivan an omelet to start with, as he loves eggs. I gave him a fork and a knife, and watched. He struggled, mumbled and asked for me to help him. I demonstrated to him, how to cut the omelet. And stood there beside him. After a few tries, he mastered it. When I beheld that sight, I could hear "Hallelujah" in my head. I was so please, that I could tick off something else on the list, he could feed himself independently. -yay