Children with Special Needs, Need Inclusion Too

Upon a visit to our paediatrician, he encouraged me by highlighting, that I did a good job with Ivan. He was meeting Ivan for the first time and could not tell that he had autism, until after the first ten minutes. Ten minutes, is good enough for one to establish a good, acceptable first impression. First impressions, are precious and fragile. It tells someone, whether or not they want to socialize with you.

Often children with autism, seem to misbehave, when in actual fact they are trying hard, to respond to their surroundings, whilst dealing with their impairment of social skills. This will definitely affect the child's physiology and mannerisms. Ivan has his quirks too, however, the trick is to gradually replace the obvious behaviours of hand flapping, to maybe a simple hair twirling or a humming a tune. People find it more comforting when they are exposed with as little physical movements, and find some quirks acceptable. So if you can to replace your child's major coping mechanisms with more society acceptable ones, you will find that it will take your child a long way.

Over the past couple of years, you can find more ramps being built in Singapore. Lots more lifts and traffic lights, catering to the visually impaired. All these show that the government is stepping up to help the community of wheelchair bound and people who are visually impaired. All these adjustment in the environment are made to help them function better, by minimizing their inability to move around.

Thinking in line with this, shouldn't one make similar efforts to enhance the environment of a child with special needs? Unlike the individuals on the wheelchairs or the visually impaired, adjusting the surrounding of a child with autism, isn't so clear and precise. Since autism is unique to each and every individual, the changes to inclusion would be unique too. I wonder if there are things that can help them mingle better with society. It's only respect that they wish, and as humans we all deserve that.

I hope that the next time you come across, someone who is different, you would be patient and respect them as individuals too, regardless of whatever condition they may be having. That's why we are called the human race, we have compassion, empathy and tolerance for others. If we can care so much for animals and our planet, should we not care for our fellow mankind too. Please ponder?

NorMal... really...

People love to use words, they don’t really understand. Some phrase is catchy so we all use it, it’s cool. In the circle of people with special needs, you will find this a popular sentence. 

“He is not normal."

"Normal children would do this."

"She is different, cause normal children her age would not scream like that.” 

People and some professionals are so quick to state that your child is not normal.

So what does normal, mean? The norm describes the average statistic. And that itself is a variable.  In a room full of people who have autism, individuals with autism would be the norm. And you may be the weirdo, right. So keep in mind that the term norm, is very subjective. Be wise about using it.

Breaking news

I just had a lunch date with my sister and her little boy. They are in the preparation of sending their soon-to-be eightheenth month old to school. It's an exciting journey for both parents and child. It made me start thinking about preshcool for the unborn baby, already. I know its way to early to be thinking about such things. But having been in the childcare senario almost all my working life, I do recall when my boys were send off. This story is more for my boy with special needs. It goes something like this...

The phone rings, and you take a deep breathe... could it be another call for your child? Are you afraid of such calls when teachers call you to inform you about the outburst in school, or the meltdown of your child.

These are normally the beginning stages for some parents, before they are thrust into the tornado called autism. But I must say, I don't remember ever getting such a call for Ivan.

When Ivan was eighteen months old, I enrolled him into a Childcare.(just like his elder brother) I worked for the same management, but was in another branch. I would check with my colleagues about Ivan's progress. They didn't say much as they thought he was going through his anxiety phase.

But the updates that I got from the teachers, they were not much to work on. The teachers mentioned that he didn't like transitions. When the class left for the playground, Ivan would cry to leave the class. Then when they finally got him there, returning back to class was another fiasco. These reports however, could also be similar to a child who is getting used to the new routines in the school, something in the range of separation anxiety.

After a month, when most of the children had settled, Ivan was still fussy and anxious. He would cry then drink milk and fall asleep. My boss was doing her Degree at that time and noticed something peculiar about Ivan's behaviour. She realized that there were some traits if autism in Ivan.

She called me up, and asked me up come down after work. I did and I must admit I was thrown off by what she said.

She very cautiously, addressed the behaviour issues she noticed and then introduced the word, autism. By then my head was spinning. What? Who? How? Huh?

But being an educator myself, also because this information was coming from someone I respected, I remained calm. My husband on the other hand didn't take the news too well.

We were on two ends of the equation. We were lost and confused. We were both in no shape to help our little boy. We went through lots of disagreements and decided to wait on the matter eventually.


Somewhere around a year later, I told Peter, that something had to be done. We could not just sit around waiting, thinking that our boys was simply a late bloomer. I handed him the autism checklist and told him to check it by himself. Should he find many similarities, then he was to move in my direction. 


He did the checklist and there was no denying. There was something amiss. It was time me got some form of help. And so the journey began.

Is your boy mute?

Many of us, don't have a trouble holding a conversation with another. I definitely, don't. Since conversing comes, so easily for me, it took me a while to understand, how challenging it was for my boy, with autism.

My family and I frequent a diner, near home, regularly. One night, some time ago, something mind blogging happened. The four of us went in, as usual, ordered our dishes, and continued as usual. What was the usual? Lots of chatting. We would talk about our day, at work, things that were bothering us, decisions we had to make. Peter, Immanuel and I usually used dinner time to catch up on what's new in our lives. And during this time, Ivan would be busy humming, as he flips the pages of his favourite book.

Since Peter brought the boys to the restroom, I called for the bill. While I was signing the credit card slip, the waitress said this. "You have a nice family, but I notice every time you come in, that boy doesn't talk. Is he mute?" I was shocked. Oh my gosh! She must think that we are horrible parents, to ignore the mute child at our table. I explained to her that he was rather shy, and didn't really enjoy conversations.

Later, I shared this with Peter. It was a mind blogging moment. What were we doing? We were focusing on Immanuel, and his stories, trying to be as normal as any family was. But never realized that maybe, Ivan wanted to say something too. But Ivan was always so busy with his books, that he never joined in. Would he actually, want to be part of the conversation? Does, he even like to have a conversation? He never showed much interest for conversations, before.

I felt so bad, and ashamed that a stranger had to call me out on this. But I was glad she did, sometimes, we have to step out, to see the whole picture. Ever since that day, when ever we sit for dinner, even at home, we would try to direct a few simple questions at Ivan. Just to make him feel included in the family conversations.
Simple, questions like, "Do you like your pasta? Is it too spicy? Do you have school tomorrow? Where would you like to go after this?" Ivan is capable enough to answer these questions with ease, so conversing would not be so stressful for him.

For a child to hold a conversation many skills are required. Firstly, he has to be able to attend the information, by listening, which means he has to sit and focus. Then the mind has to process the information, resulting in the comprehension, of what is being said. Then the mind, has to assimilate the information, and produce an answer for what has been said. All these things take much effort and time for a child with autism to process.

Imagine you are talking to someone overseas, with a bad phone connection. You will find that when you talk, there is an echo, then a brief silence and the you hear the other person talking. It's not like a normal conversation you would have, if the person was standing in front of you. The processing of information in a autistic child's mind is similar. There is a lot of stalling, and filtering and processing and then downloading. So you may find that after you ask a question, the child takes about a minute to process and then answers you.

So what must you be aware of, when talking to them?

Ask simple, single domain questions only?
Are you hungry? Then wait.
What would you like to eat? Then wait.


DO NOT ask
Are you hungry? What would you like to eat? Hamburgers? Pizza? 
All these are too much to consolidate in one go.

DO NOT repeat the same question too many times. Ask once then wait, after half a minute, ask the same question again, then wait. If the child understands your question, you should get your answer in by a minute. Don't be quick to repeat yourself, as the child may think that you are asking another questions, and repeat the whole downloading process in his mind. Getting you both no where.

When giving instructions, do so similarly.
"Ivan, take of your shoes." Then wait, allow him to complete the action.
"Ivan place them on the shoe rack." Then wait, allow him to complete the action.
One step instructions are best to start with. In time you will not have to repeat everything. This is because, the child will learn to see the routine, first taking off the shoes, and then placing them on the shoe rack. Thus, the routine will aid the child into what is expected of him. As the child matures, gradually, increase the complexity of the questions asked or instructions given.

It takes time to lay the foundation, but in time you will find it worth the while.

What are autism spectrum disorders?

“Autism spectrum disorders are disorders of communication, being able to relate socially, and self-regulation in individuals of all ages. It is generally accepted that the underpinning of autism spectrum disorders are central nervous system dysfunctions.”(Hints and Tips for Helping Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders by Dion E. Betts & Nancy J. Patrick)

Autism isn’t "a one piece fits all" kind of diagnosis. You may find your child having a few combinations, thus making his/ her autism unique from the others. Within the umbrella of autism you will find, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Childhood Degenerative Disorder, Autism, and Asperger Syndrome. So how exactly can one know for sure, which are the exact combination.

One will find that children with autism spectrum disorder, face challenges in recalling past encounters to tie in with the present situation. They may find it challenging to focus, sequence, strategy, memorize or organize. All these skills are important for planning ahead and problem solving. However, one comforting aspect, is that normally, your child will face some of the above mentioned and not all of the above.

Should you wish to go into more theoretical details. All these activities, take place in a part of our brain called the frontal lobe.According to research, we come to know that the frontal lobe continues to develop into one adolescence. Some research states that there is an increase the the growth between the ages of seventeen to twenty.

Empathy is an emotion that children with autism struggle with. As it is, they struggle with understanding their own emotions, how could they possibly place themselves in the shoes of another. Should you know someone who has a child wit autism. Try to understand that it's hard for them. Try to be a little more tolerant when it comes to the child. Don't isolate them, try to include them. You will be surprised with the things you learn, when you open your heart and home. They can enrich your lives with new revelations.