Why then, should you in any way compromise for your child? In schools, we are advised that parents should not sit in the sessions, as the chidlren may get too anxious, in our presence and fail to participate. Fair enough, but they never stated that parents were not allowed at the premises. The concern was for the child's benefit.
No parent would want to upset their children, but that are ways to get things done. Have a rapport with your child's teacher/ therapists. Establish gracious communication between the two of you. This was you both can optimize your effort as work together, to help the child. I had informed my son's teacher, that I would like to observe my boy occasionally, to see his reactions. She understood my concerns and she positioned my boy with his back facing the door, as she taught. This arrangement allowed me to glance into the classroom through the glass window on the door. I never entered the classroom. The teacher had no problem, as I was not being an obstacle to her teaching. This way, I could also gauge how comfortable my son was, with the teacher. Body language tells a lot, my dear.
The other mums always asked me why I had special permission to go up to the classes, and why I did so. I didn't have any privileges they didn't, I just spoke my concerns and arranged it such. As for why I did, so, I did it to ensure my boy was in good hands. I was blessed to know that Ivan had a good teacher.
When Ivan started, he was simply doing table task in the classroom. The teacher felt that he needed to be comfortable enough to trust her, before they had activities outside the classroom. Some time went by and Ivan was included into the school assemble period. Where he would assemble with the rest of the school, to fulfill his patriotic duty of singing the National Anthem and the Pledge taking. His teacher and I would watch him with pride, as he stood through this.
Then one of the parents asked me, what arrangements I did for Ivan to be at assembly. She wondered, as her boy had been there six months prior to Ivan and was still not given that opportunity of inclusion. Her son was older, and was not a very violent boy either. He should have been given an opportunity to try this out.
I enlightened her, that this was totally, Ivan's teachers doing, not mine. So I advised the parent to check with her boy's teacher. The next day, the parent shocked me with her teacher's respond. "Your boy is not at assemble, cos it's not like he was going to learn anything, right?". The mum was hurt, and was heart-broken when she shared this remark with me.
I was furious, how could the teacher say that. Even if he wasn't going to learn anything, according to her, shouldn't he at least try it out? It wasn't like they were going to lose anything. I told the mum that she should stand up for her boy. There are so many things her boy could benefit, with this inclusion. I shared with her on the benefits of inclusion with the group. Then I equipped her with some child development jargon to use, when she met the teacher again.
The teacher got defensive, when the mum approached her (with a better understanding she now has), that he son should have this opportunity to be included at assembly. Seeming that she was showing concern, and using the jargon she used. The teacher agreed to include the boy into assembly.
That boy would have missed so many opportunities, should the his parents just accepted what the teachers said. Sometimes, the teachers may be busy, or they could have become complacent doing the same job for years. But children should never be at the losing end for what ever the reason. I was marked as the mum who was making waves, and soon became infamous, there. But I had no problems with my son's teacher and didn't bother about it.
It's all about advocating for your child. In order to do that, you first have to equip yourself, with as much information as you can, regarding your child's diagnosis. Talk to people and read up. Be polite when you approach professionals, your humidity can go a long way for your child. Be persistent, but sometimes, it may seem that you are a nuisance. I didn't mind the names, so long my son benefited.
When I was trying to get Ivan into a school once, they told me to call back in a week's time to check for vacancies. I did and did so every week. I know they hated it. But it paid of after a couple of months. When I called, the supervisor told me, that they had just received a letter of withdrawal and was about to find a child to replace the withdrawal. My call helped my son get that place. But please be as polite as possible, when you want to be persistent. The teachers do know that with limited resources, we are all waiting for our turn. But we don't want them to deliberately miss our child, as we had been rude to them, over the hundreds of calls made.
So if you are a parent who is new to this, keep these pointers in mind.
- Always liase with the teachers, which ever way suits you both (communication books, emails, smses)
- Check on your child when you can without disturbing the class (only if your child is having a one to one session)
- Be polite to the professionals, they are helping your child
- Ask questions and give them some time to get back to you, gentle reminders should they forget
- It would not hurt to encourage them with gifts/ thank you cards (wink you know what I mean)
