I need help too!

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Many of us refrain from asking help, as we don’t want to burden another.  As the first born in my family, I am the one, that fix stuff/ issues around the house. Should my mum need to make an important call to the Housing Board, Settle Bills at the Post Office, call the plumber, fix strained relationship between sis and mum, etc. I grew up with the fact that they always rely on me to do the right thing, and be there for everyone of them. I don’t when it started, but I find myself going to the rescue whenever they needed me. It seemed very normal for me, and I was used to it. But when autism came by knocking. I realized that even I had a breaking point. I could not fix this. I just became helpless. But in the eyes of my family, I could handle it all. I always seemed to do it. They saw me stronger than I was, I was only human. I do breakdown too. I need help too. Each time I turn to them, saying that it’s hard, they would respond, “If anyone can do it, you can.” I admire their faith in me, but I can’t always handle everything.

No expectations, No disappointments

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When I discovered the autism presence in Ivan, I guess, I had a lot of expectations from our extended families. I always thought that at a time of need they were always the first to turn too. But what I never realized was that it was not going to be the case. They were very helpful with Immanuel, as he was a typical child. But when it came to Ivan, they could not understand him. They saw him as a child with a defect. They found him to be too much of work, and it was too much for them to handle. They made it clear that they were happy to help out with Immanuel, but when it comes to Ivan, they would say, “He always looks for you.” It’s sad, I got angry for I really needed their support. But later I realized that should I have not expected so much, I would not have been disappointed. Peter always told me that I should not expect too much from anyone, that way they would not disappoint.

Some people may say that one should talk more about the situation, with the extended family members. I tried, but I came to realize that it was difficult for them to understand the whole situation. Even Peter and myself, were only starting to see the depth of it. But as I continued updating them, I came to find myself drained and upset. I find myself, very emotional, about to find a quiet place for me to cry it all out. Normally, I feel much better after a good cry. Eventually, I decided that I would just keep the updating for Peter, and he can have the honours of updating others. He seems to be stronger than I.